


where the dogs of self are feeding

by inkandchocolate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-19
Updated: 2010-05-19
Packaged: 2017-10-09 14:11:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkandchocolate/pseuds/inkandchocolate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A starving man will eventually feed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where the dogs of self are feeding

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes: SPN Nano - prompt: hunger

It's always there, under the skin, waiting for Sam to slip.

It's a buzz in his ear, a whine like a gnat that won't leave, driving him slowly but surely into that space where it seems easier to fall that to keep on the path. It's a hunger inside of him that demands to be sated, and it takes all he has to refuse.

Every time he resists, every time he turns from that gnawing need to feel the rush and surge of power, he thinks it should change somehow. It should be easier.

It never is. He's beginning to think it never will be. This may be his punishment, his hell to endure - to want what is lost and never lose the urge to take it back. All the good intentions in the world won't make things different, not yet and maybe not ever.

He wakes in the middle of the night with his body covered in the slick sweat of panic, the dream of drinking from her arm so real that he's sure he's done the unthinkable.

One thing he is sure of is this -- when he slides, when he slips, when he falls, it will be the end of everything. All that he's tried to make good again, all the work he's put into getting Dean's trust back, all of it will be gone in that second of weakness.

Sam knows himself too well to think it won't come. And eventually, something out there will push the right button and he'll be gone. He can't help thinking of what it might take; of what they could do to make him give up. It all comes down to the same answer no matter how many different ways he asks the question.

Dean always had the answer, told him so years ago. Dean is his weakness, more now than ever before. Now that Sam knows how it would be to stand alone, he's vulnerable to that possibility. And in the way of such things, in a Catch 22 that Heller himself would admit was a classic, Sam knows that it will be his need to save Dean that makes Sam give in to the hunger again.

He'll fall. And he'll feed. And he'll take the world down with him when he does.

-end-


End file.
